And so opens the 12th blogging year with a progress report.
Month 1: Dec
- Ventured downstairs after a period of strict couch potato-ing. With just about 10 mins in the tank initially, I was too unfit to climb a mountain go out and buy lunch.
- But it improved. So at some point I got bored after exploring every corner of my immediate neighbourhood.
- Still it took some courage and mental prep to cross the road and go further, something I'd put off for fear that I wouldn't make it back.
- With the benefit of escort by retired dad, I even reached the start of the tampines park connector. Was too underleveled for the rest of it at that point, but I was just happy to have made it over the overhead bridge.
- Overall, life on HL was necessarily simple: wake up, bring myself out on a walk, shower, nap, do couch potato stuff until bedtime. Fueled by mum's nutritious cooking and social nutrients in the form of friends/family who made the journey to the far east to visit. And of course, regular jaunts to my personal cafe/cinema run by le sis, just a manageable 3 blocks away.
- When the limits were that low, every little bit counted, every day.
Month 2: Jan
- Ended HL and commenced 100% WFH - the first in a series of workplace concessions that were granted with much kindness. Still required 2 naps a day to start with...Who knew sitting and staring at a screen consumes that kind of energy.
- Managed to go out and buy lunch. First with one-way bus ride, and then by walking both ways.
- Continued bringing my fragile self out on walks every evening, building up to a 30-45 min capacity which allowed the exploration of random corners in even further neighbourhoods.
- Aimed for and completed my first accompanied MRT expedition (home > bus > pasir ris > bugis > rochor > burlington square > bencoolen > tampines east > bus > home), overcoming the constant pleas from all around my body to give up and turn back to safety. I hope there will never ever be a more stressful journey.
- I guess training is meant to be tough... even if it was just training for normal life.
Month 3: Feb
- Requested to continue 100% WFH for one more month, after assessing that I was still too underleveled to travel to office, let alone actually work in office.
- Solo bus rides were unlocked by then at least, expanding my "safe radius" to tampines. It was like reaching level 10 in a game and venturing out of the starter area for the first time lol.
- But semi-freedom only came sometime later, in the form of my first MRT solo, both ways! This meant that I could really roam, as far as I had enough battery to make it back.
- So time spent outside (doorstep to doorstep) became my new measure of progress. It wasn't too bad to begin with, as even half-day weekends (~5h) could be very fruitful. This typically involved a morning photowalk + lunch + drop off before the 2pm developing cut-off before heading home for a well-deserved nap.
- Since walking seemed to have become more of a given, physical training got a bit of an upgrade in the form of loading/short stair climbs. I could also help to carry groceries once more.
- It felt like the tide was turning.
Months 4-5: Mar-Apr
- And then these 2 months combined into the most tiresome lump in the recovery journey thus far.
- The return to office commenced with a mini rollercoaster which reminded me that I wasn't the least bit crisis-resilient. Part of recovering involves recognising warning signs and backing off well before medical attention becomes necessary.
- Was generously allowed a safer arrangement of going in only on the half-days that contained meetings. It took the entire 2 months to painstakingly stretch this to 3/4-days, a few times per week.
- There was no choice but to scale back on the exercise due to limited battery life, so it was back to plain walking with no progress. But I took it that the training helped - I could at least be sure that I wouldn't faint while climbing stairs to office hahaha.
- Dealt with the worst 2 periods of my life (and I hope ever), filled with debilitating tiredness and underground mood.
- Truthfully, I expected it to be hard but it went beyond that. But whatever's necessary since work is part of normal life~
Month 6: May
- Had a sudden sense of stability and thought to try pushing boundaries.
- As a result, unlocked full office day + after-work activities :D First of my 2 indicators for baseline normalcy fulfilled! On track to being a regular young person again lol, after so many months of having to ration weekends for fun things and social life.
- I felt that my heart was ready to taste higher rates. Drew down on free activesg credits to try a different, more controlled approach - inclined treadmill walks. Felt great to set and complete time and HR goals without reaching the stress of overexertion.
- Long walks with mildly heavy load (vintage cameras), in increasingly hot weather, are now well within limits.
- Progress is sweet.
++++++
As the song goes, "... come so far, and there's still a long, long way to go."
Still can't say I'm back to normal, even after 6 months. This is a soberingly common pace of recovery for PE survivors, judging from reddit posts. The good thing is that the structure of my life (no major commitments, understanding workplace) relieves me of any need to rush.
That said, baseline normalcy feels within reach! The second indicator is to be able to jog at least 1km without stopping. Not a high bar to begin with haha but crucially, it'll be more than what I could do when my lungs were all blocked up.
And then, I can make my way to real normal in 2H 2025 where good things are waiting :)
