RE7088

Let's put this out there: as I head towards the end of formal education, it is my hope and objective that RE7088 Rock Climbing carries on for the enjoyment and benefit of future REP generations.

[For the record, RE7088 was named for our sports module classification (from the year 1 days) and also for the double figure-eight knot. It's not RE7008 please coz that would be tantamount to free soloing, which I do not encourage.]

Well it's not quite the end yet, but the opening of a new semester has brought some closures and some beginnings, so it's a fair juncture to sit down and reflect. There are too many things that I've learnt and that I'm thankful for - here's my side of the story.

As it goes, I came back from Imperial and wanted to hop on the Hangouts train. But you can't just climb/learn about climbing in the RPR and <insert lots of other excuses>, so I let it hang. You could say I had a tonne of kindling ready, but was just lacking the spark. So actually, the initiator wasn't me (the welcome night trivia was wrong haha). I kid, though it's still true that everyone who has gone through this "module" has this one person to thank - the first to ask for a climbing session back in Dec 2015 (ask if you wanna know who!). Because she asked, I ran that session and the rest is history.

Tbh, I really really couldn't understand why anyone would come back for more, following the first sessions. As a more experienced climber I derive enjoyment from things like being able to apply technique and dancing my way through a route. Therefore, I at that point was feeling a sort of disconnection with these people who were somehow enjoying bashing their way up the wall in their sports shoes. It was both amazing and mind-boggling that people were going back all sore with raw hands and yet, they wanted to climb some more! This feeling persisted until I finally realised that I'd forgotten the excitement of a beginner. Climbing can be punishing, both physically and mentally, and it changes you over the years. I genuinely felt like some kind of pure, innocent joy was let back into my life, just by running these sessions and being around people so new and yet so determined.

From then, I resolved to stay in this for as long as people remained interested. So I got thinking, and I've thought millions of these thoughts ever since. I know why I climb, and what I enjoy about it. The perennial question is how to project these feelings into actions that in turn foster the same fire in others. As per the usual wading-into-the-unknown protocol, I never planned very far ahead [training plans aren't really my thing and it's reflective], but along the way we moved from sports shoes to climbing shoes, and a few overarching themes started to emerge.

Firstly, it's fun to watch people spider to the top, but it's even better if they fall off before getting there. Climbing is an individual sport no doubt, but because it is so, the climber stands to benefit from the full might of the watching crowd. I.e. no jeers from the opposing side and no limelight-hogging team members. It's just you against an inanimate challenge so everyone's on your side, and they remain on your side even when you fall. When everyone's on the same side, we sit on the mat and chat after suffering temporary defeat at the hands of the wall. We chat about how to put the wall in its place, and then we chat about school, and then life... But wait, who's "we" in the first place? Anyone under the sun (and in the subset of REP in this case) qualifies to be part of "we". Climbing unites, and when R1-R6 shows up in one session, I think that's an example of inter-batch bonding right there :)

14th August 2016

Now it's very difficult to separate the topic of falling from that of failure. In any challenge worth attempting there is always ample opportunity to fail, and more often than not it happens. Sometimes we get past a problem in a single day, other times it takes weeks, and sometimes we never get the satisfaction of conquering a problem before it gets taken down. Doesn't that sound strangely like another game we all play, which goes by the name of Life? By coming down to climb, people show their willingness to face their challenges head-on (I disapprove of a day spent climbing ladders), and to take the pain comes with it. If you do this enough it carries over into real life and becomes a characteristic that tides you through hard times #truestory. It also helps that REP people generally aren't a sluggish bunch - I've witnessed a >30 minute fight to the top against an increasingly recalcitrant body. In short, sweet success only comes after a great deal of effort, and the sooner one is willing to fight for it, the sooner it'll come.

So that's just the general stuff. Ultimately, running this sort of thing as the most experienced person meant that I initially had to take on responsibility for shaping the experiences of others. Fairly daunting, but also extremely rewarding. The following paragraphs comprise recollections from my point of view, my theories and policies, and other detailed mish-mash.

I wasn't gonna make people face their battles without equipping them with the skills to fight. In my book, technique is king [I know enough to teach]; muscling only gets you up to juggy newbie routes and I can't steel your fingers overnight. Yes, strength definitely helps. But my theory is that you can always learn complex moves on easy tiles, and in the future translate them onto complex routes where they belong. First step is to use my own body as a figure for demonstration while narrating using the laws of physics (e.g. giant barndoors are all caused by simple moments). Second step is to awaken all those sleeping muscles that only weird people like climbers use, and which no amount of pullups will help to uncover, by putting people on the wall. I remember from long ago, giant crabs or spiders sidling across a few meters of wall before peeling off. After a while, the movements got neater, more fluid, and more sustained - signs that my crabs were evolving into climbers.

In essence, it is always important for people to do it and feel it for themselves (also why Hangouts: Climbing Theory 101 would never have worked). But sometimes intrinsic motivation only gets us so far - we all need nice friends to push us off the plank into uncharted waters. I have had experience climbing alone before, and I was always aware that I could never climb as hard as when I climb with my friends [coz I'm personally not at a high enough level to do so, but that's another story]. Such lonely times have allowed me to understand the importance of leveraging on the power of group motivation.

Those who have come for sessions before will know exactly how I run them, and this shall be my attempt in explaining the backing concepts (for which I've cooked up names for easy reference). In roped climbing, the belayer has the last say on whether the climber gets to come back down. Obviously they fully deserve to upon completion of a route, but what if they fall off halfway? I say a belayer who lowers his/her climber just because the climber is tired/scared/pumped/etc is letting them down in more ways than one. Most times on the way to achieving greater things, people just need other people not to give up on them. Two rules: (1) If they don't ask to lower, don't (2) If they ask to lower, don't. This summarises acutely my policy of Never-Gonna-Let-You-Down as long as you're fit to continue. There are exceptions and ways to tell when a climber is truly spent (which I've told selected people and which I won't reveal here ;)), but most of the time the very least a belayer can do is to allow their climber their struggle to the end. Another underlying concept-theory is that of the Motivational Multiplier. How this works is sort of a theory within a theory. People have preconceived notions on how others around them are expected to perform, and this very same expectation can actually provide an excellent springboard to start off the Multiplier. Dungeddit? K diagram.

Looks somewhat like laser emission ;)

To give an example, think of me doing a 6a (a route grade) versus someone new doing the same 6a. When I attempt (and make it look easy), the thought driven by prior knowledge of my background would run something like "she can do it" because I am expected to perform at that level. Then when a certain other girl comes and finishes the route, suddenly everyone (especially guys) starts to think "I think I can do it". It's ok to struggle and fall along a route, because it makes one seem more human. And it also reminds everyone else watching that while it is not easy, it can be done. Although things are now switching up a bit, most people who have participated all started on the same level: new. At this level where everything is bright and shiny, it just takes that one person to attempt something "difficult" and open up that gap from which motivation pours. This carries on onto the next 6a, and maybe the next 6b, and so on... and most importantly it impacts all the people surrounding you. This is the most powerful aspect of the Multiplier: it is a cascade effect that every single person has the ability to evoke. You just have to be willing to try.

The Never-Gonna-Let-You-Down and the Motivational Multiplier combine into a very potent extrinsic driver that pays inspiration forward and keeps people coming back. My part in this is to add oil and keep stoking the fire so that its effects take care of themselves. #HighChallengeHighSupport + verbal affirmations, so I'm confident I'm not doing this wrong :)

Aside from fanning the flames, an added challenge on my end was that in order to advise, I suddenly had to learn to climb in bodies vastly different from my own (I think I was the most average-sized and -shaped one around). Dealing with this kinda resembles moving a marionette in my mind, and tailoring the beta along the way according to real-time visual data. Creepy huh, but since I don't know any consciousness-projecting jutsu, creepy method it is.

Another amusing thing I get is that some people, upon finishing a hard route and landing back on earth, think that they did it only because I (or whoever else was belaying) "pulled them up". Please la, it's not like I can lift your bodyweight over my head. If you don't push yourself to keep inching up, no amount of pulling on the belayer's end will help you get further. We're there simply to provide ground support and to tighten up the slack in between (and also to keep you from dying). So yes, it's all (mostly) you :) In truth, the same concept applies to RE7088 itself. As long as you invest your interest, I will invest my time and best abilities in helping you improve. Throughout this time, people have expressed their interest in really interesting ways. Showing up and paying for (expensive) gym entry is an indisputable sign, and just as much so is personally dropping a note(s) when other aspects of life get in the way. I have taken a lesson on sincerity and genuineness, and also felt the significant appreciation that can stem from such a small gesture. This I will do well to remember for life.

[Not forgetting the attendance list for the last big session: as exciting as watching a stock market right to the very last minute. As one famous person once said (screamed at us actually), life's full of uncertainties and sometimes we just have to accept them.]

I seem to have reached an apropos juncture to give special mention to Extra Training, my core group of strong people. Haha revelation! Certain people have had "special attention", or should I say: more pain more gain? Pain of parting with money for gear, pain of seasoning personal climbing shoes, pain of not being able to climb enough. I can't read your minds, so I will speak of the gains observable to me: your ROCKET progress since the start (practically only since the start of summer at that). I vaguely remember what it was like being new to climbing, and I know I certainly didn't get to climbing 6b within the equivalent of a quarter year. Although I'm probably fated never be a really strong or good climber, and I've been flunking badly at competitions, I sort of feel like I achieved something through your strength in this summer. It is a great feeling :) What is it about you guys really, that is able to make me feel so much? Maybe it's coz you're my homegrown group of climbing kakis :D Maybe it's our culture of suan-based support, random conversations, and other hilarious interactions from every time we climbed for 8 hours. Maybe it's simply coz y'all were always there but now I'm waiting for (2/3 of) y'all to come back. I really can't put a finger to it. So it's your fault that this post is taking so long to write HAHA; I just can't find good enough words. Damage report: emptiness.

Phase 1 of Extra Training is over. If anyone else is interested, show it ;)
 
Reaching the end now. The final, crucial lesson for me is that I have learnt to accept the best that I can do. I've never before been put in a situation where I'm so aware of almost every single limitation - commitments on my end and theirs, the Level 1 pool, the basic concept of time... As much as I'd like to have more sessions, be able to allocate more time to each person, and help each individual unleash their potential, I can't always get what I want. It makes me feel helpless to be this shackled and at the same time be so aware of all these shackles. Nonetheless, this is the key that guarantees my full presence in every single session. I treasure all the time I spend doing this so much more because I know that it won't last. I always want to do more, but sometimes it is not to be. Then, I let go and trust that it's ok. We're moving into new beginnings now, and when I see excitement in the eyes of others, I know we're in for good times.

This was an extremely difficult post to write - my most time-consuming and thought-provoking post to date. Far from blanking out, there were lots and lots of thoughts rushing from every direction possible, and so many things I want to share. But I guess no matter what I think, the impact counts infinitely more. I'll let others speak for themselves but on my part... I think I've done it! After 4 long years, I can finally say with confidence that I'm no longer the only rock climber in REP :)

<3

Night-time Thoughts II

Other pieces of writing need to be done, but the words just keep escaping me. Have had an assortment of other experiences meanwhile, so I thought I'd just jot them down so I can have a laugh next time. REAL is included as well coz it doesn't deserve its own post this time round.

1) Well its not like I learnt nothing in REAL 2016, but most of the lessons were prob not the ones intended. High quality feedback = observation + impact which saves me the trouble of thinking "how I'd have done it better" (but I might deviate). Here are some:

• The delivery of lessons hinges on structure and content (and the person in front), but it does not do to be overly rigid. Isn't leadership and all that a sort of fluffy cloud in the first place? Everyone can feel it when someone tries to harness clouds.
• It also does not do to deviate from instructions so rigidly expounded. Like err, you tell us not to give suggestions, but you give a great deal of it (doesn't help that those ended up being "on another planet").
• I was so extremely bothered by the above situation coz it concerned my learning partner. In the end we take what lessons we can, even if its something we derived from our sharings with one another rather than what was actually taught. A recurring theme was not to over-restrict ourselves. You may think you know what you're driving towards, but don't be crushed if it turns out not to be. Maybe you were meant for something else, something just as great or even greater, but you don't see it just because it wasn't your original goal. Potential, just like leadership, is a cloud - walk through with confidence and you'll never have to settle for anything less.
• Be present, be genuine. It is very easy to tell/sense when someone is actually somewhere else.
• Who says we can't have fun while learning? One of the rare occasions where the classroom was basically a container of laughter was in the empathetic email exchange. We found that empathy begets empathy only in the ideal world, but non-empathy definitely begot non-empathy and a series of trolling responses.
• Things could definitely have been better, but hey, everyone has new things to learn so... How fascinating! 

2) Fourth REP batch is completely overseas now and I wasn't expecting to feel as much as I do about this.

3) Severe lack of rest makes the body sluggish and the mind slow and makes one do idiotic things:

• Accidentally locked my sis out of the room one night, so she had to spend the night on the sofa. I clearly rmb feeling an "extra sensation" as I closed the door, but obviously didn't think much of it. Felt so bad next morning D: D: D:
• Was having trouble controlling my half-boiled eggs (after waking at 0530). Crushed one and let the other slip through my fingers onto my lap. Shows the importance of fine control; it was just breakfast and I was already failing so badly.
• When editing simple English starts to take an inordinate amount of effort, apply 10 hours of sleep with complete urgency.

4) Year 5 already = so many young people everywhere! And young people, what's with the open shock (literally like this, :O) when we introduce ourselves as year 5s hahaha is it like seeing dinosaurs walk again?

5) People are changing, and the people around me are changing. Time to be a friendly dinosaur and make some new friends.


6) Sean said to me: when one enjoys writing, the reader enjoys reading. Which is true! I can sometimes feel what other people feel when they write (if I don't feel anything it's prob a sign of apathy on one end). So what happens if I enjoy making people laugh/cry/think/become confused >:)?

7) Entered this sem at a run, with multiple things vying for attention and allocation of time. I wish I wasn't this busy, coz the busier one is, the faster time flies. And I really want my final few months in school to last as long as possible.

REAL lessons

Renaissance Engineer Advance in Leadership [REAL]. REP went ahead and forced us to skip most of the first week of school for this. Long story short, it's a leadership programme by Linhart - not your average student leadership camp.

If uncomfortable situations are like being thrown in the deep end, safe to say I was drowning, at the same time as being taught to save myself from drowning. Better be distressed now than later in the real world right? Nevertheless, it was extremely taxing, and by the 3rd day I imagined myself to be at 30% efficiency (as per my summer school business simulation haha) - liable to drifting into zombie mode at the slightest disengagement. Granted, a wealth of potential lay in the programme for us to tap (not to be punny, but it was really expensive!), it all depended on how much we wanted to. Coming out of this I can't say I completely mastered everything that was taught, but at the very least, I'm a bit clearer on who I am and what I can be.

Length of paragraph is not an indication of importance:

Be authentic. Lead from the heart, people will eventually see what you really are rather than what you want them to see. Even a facade of good is doomed to fail [trying too hard... it is pitiful when you see through someone like that].

Life is VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguous) and the situations we were thrown in were designed to reflect that. Planning gets you so far, the rest is up to your reflexes and ability to untie your tongue and respond. In school we prepare, script, and rehearse. But consider when the audience isn't interested, and they ask questions ahead of time. In this lack of order, we start to 慌张 and lose confidence. Prepare to face surprises so that they stop being surprising, and make sure you know what the audience needs/wants to hear.

State the end point first. Yes or no before explaining - don't waste a busy person's time, they might cut you off before you even start to.

Don't think that there's nothing to learn from someone beneath you. Snobbery does no good for impressions and skillsets. This extends beyond humility and includes a drive to improve so that you are willing to learn from whoever it is that can offer the lesson.

Have gratitude for everything - opportunities, people etc. Obviously, this doesn't mean waiting for a big break to land in your lap and then thanking the skies for it. See and grab opportunities as they waltz by, and be thankful that they came in your direction. Appreciation goes a long way, and motivation is an important asset. Myself, I want to be motivated to give my best to whomever I might be working with, as they would for me. I like to think I've consistently thanked my minions for their hard work, and as ex-Chief Saikang Warrior, worked just as hard together with them. But I don't remember the details anymore, so all I can do is to make sure I do so in the future.

Eventually, I've also learnt more about myself. However plain and unambitious this might sound, my vision is to be comfortable. Challenge is part of the comfort (coz I get bored easily hahaha), but there will come a point where I won't see a need to go higher. REP is training us to become future CEOs, CTOs... Yea yea. It might be too early to say, but I don't think I'll be one of those. I'm not worried, coz as one of the REAL faculty said, you don't have to be right at the top to be a leader. I guess it's something I've always known, but never was confident enough to believe in. I don't have to be the President, I want to be the Quartermaster. (In those days) I was the go-to person for anything logistics-related, I had my objectives, and had to rally people to meet them, and I enjoyed my job. Granted, there will always be differences to leading in school and whatever lies out there, but I'll take it as it comes. Leadership is a journey, and life is a great teacher (one can learn from another's life stories as well!).

I just need to keep reminding myself (though it's nice to have friends around to help say, like my learning partner! :)) that I'm not that lousy, and that I'm capable in my own way.