Ought to breathe

These days, it feels like my sense of time's gone a little nuts. Whether this is a cause or symptom of stress I have no clue. Things that happened before this sem, though it's really only been about 3-4 months, feel like they passed a lifetime ago. Things that happened in this sem, however, always feel like they happened "yesterday" or "just 2 weeks ago". This definitely ain't accurate given how we've given September, and oh look October too, nothing more than a glimpse. Whoever/whatever's playing with the flow of time please stoppit.

Well, it's an amusing topic to talk about at least. It's unbelievable how much disbelief there can be in discussions with always the same running topic. 2016, where the heck are you rushing off to?

While it's well and truly the second-last month of the year, let's take a moment to look back upon RE60XX October.

... What actually happened?

The transition from September was pretty fuzzy, and it was only at 10 days deep that realisation hit like a tsunami: "the first third of October's already gone?!" True story. I have no idea anymore what happened back then [but according to my previous posts I'd done some reflection and had some enjoyable meals at least]. And then I think there was a flood that lasted some 20 days before washing us up onto the shores of November.

So really what has happened? Some interviews, some meals, generous helpings of projects, a sprinkling of sleep, and a tiny precious drop of climbing. Yup seems like it. When you live life like a zombie I guess everything's vague at best.

But we make the best of things, we were trained to be strong. Mealtimes become break times, and same goes for the simple act of non-work-related communication. Stress sometimes brings out behaviours which can be amusing to watch. [Though stress for me tends to manifest in ways that cause difficulty in eating, which is a pain. Nice food deserves to be enjoyed :(] Also I've learnt to be savvy or firm about structuring in breaks and things I have to do to keep going. The stage of "don't care anymore" acts as a natural assertion that it's time to go and have some fun; no such thing as "finishing everything" before going out to play - don't try that in Y5 it's dangerous.

I actually lived the perfect analogy for this over dinner one Sunday evening (steamboat with the family). As always, my partiality lies with cheese tofu. For those who haven't seen the way I eat, my preferences are usually observable - leave the best for last right? Turns out in steamboat, "last" is pretty ambiguous with the food continuously streaming in either by my chopsticks or by the parents piling it on. So there I was meticulously chewing on everything else and making sure to keep my cheese tofu to deserving intervals. The turning point came when I was notified that the cheese tofu sitting in my bowl (only my second piece!!) was the final one (no thanks to le sister). I had actually been planning to eat that sooner, but that was no longer to be. And when the time finally came, I was full and it was cold :(

Aside from being a story about a nice dinner, the above proceedings made me realise that the value of respite stems not just from its form, but also its timeliness. Just like that chinese saying 休息是为了走更长的路 - you don't walk until your legs break before you take a break right? In every week that passes, I'll write what needs to be written, and I'll write what I want to write. If spending another 30 minutes or so eating means I get to laugh a little longer with my friends, so be it. Even if it's just once a week, I'll never pass my climbs up for anything that "needs" to be done. There's always time for the cheese tofus of life.

October taught me that I ought to breathe.