Night-time Thoughts III

1) Recently, I was reminded of how I'd spent the very first moments of this year: running around the seaside of Nha Trang searching for ice. I'd had no idea that I'd actually ran right into 2016 (it was a few minutes past the stroke of midnight by the time I was done with my mission), let alone how the rest of the year would play out from there. Safe to say now, very close to the incoming new year, that it was nothing I could've ever predicted or even imagined.

2) It's not just the end of a crazy sem, or even a crazy year... it's the end of a crazy 4.5 years of uni. In less than one month's time I'm gonna be out there trying to be an adult, and it scares me. How does one turn all of this into writing?? Nvm, step by step and time to tap on the good old stream of consciousness.

3) Something's telling me to call 2016 the best year ever. Maybe it's recency bias, but if at the end of every year I can say that I've lived the best year ever, I think I'll be a very happy/satisfied person. It's probably got something to do with level of activity. In most years, everything melds neatly into school --> summer --> school --> December. And then there's 2016 which really hit a whole new level of epic: travel --> FYP life, Drif4st, more FYP --> IVEC, REP climbing, ubin adventures, regular meetings at dhoby xchange just acia + daiso trips, MOAR TRAVELS + first time tio cancelled flight and lying on airport floor --> omg Y5 is worse than FYP, Dare or Not, yearbookX1000 --> chill days meeting friends, sleeping, and wondering how the year just flashed by like that.

4) There must be some kind of significance if I'm remembering things in this much detail. Well I definitely was busy (and in the months of Aug-Nov, insanely busy). But it's clear now that I've written it down, that I've been doing lots of things outside of the norm.

5) Maybe, I'm just pretty thrilled at my newfound friends. Doing stuff beyond regular routines comes together with getting to know new people. Usually... I find difficulty in even starting to talk to people I don't know. Given this, if I manage to somehow click with people I meet out of complete chance, I feel it'd be a huge waste to let it just go after we all go back to our normal lives. Why let things fade into memory, when there's a good foundation for building ties? I guess that's why summer 2016 was awesome for me, all those times spent with people I'd practically just met, even though it felt like I'd known them forever. [Not much clicking going on in school, except on my mouse.] Who'd have known that my final year in school would be this lively, this fresh.

6) Of course, it's easy to say that we should continue to meet up and blah blah, and it's easy to not actually do it at all. I know how people drift and friendships fade: uni through the years was kinda like a moving picture of these changes, both on others and myself. Heck, this is current affairs, I feel it happening. It's inevitable. There will definitely be a portion of my relationships that won't survive the test of time, of differences, and of change. I don't think there's any sure way to predict which will go down this path, but only time will tell, and when the scarcity of free time hits once work starts, it will start to happen.

7) On this note, I was thinking about how my climbing friendships should be easier to maintain, as long as all the people/groups I climb with continue to climb. Coz climbing kakis don't just meet for a meal once every X months, we spend X hours losing skin + X hours after that eating together, every week or so. I hope I don't ever stop enjoying this sport, and my friends too.

8) Recent times have been good times. There's been so much free time after school ended, even during the exam period HAHA. So I've been busy doing what young people on school holidays normally do: going out with friends. The difference this time is that there's been a chunky mix of people from point 5 and much older, long-time friends. All the same, all happy, carefree moments (or hours actually) to treasure and remember. There are dozens of thoughtcatalog articles and whatnot listing the things to feel sad about when friendships fade, but I guess if it's impossible to save all of them, the best that we can do is to feel happy that they happened. And when these are actually happening, do our best and put in the effort to make them worth remembering.

9) However, there's always two sides to the coin. This year, amidst all the rush and activity, I've seen sides of people that have caused me aversion and anger. I am also aware that I've chosen to deal with these in cold ways. It probably had something to do with my perma-low social battery (because of endless meetings during the school days) -- it was always easier to totally avoid bothering with these matters. Sometimes I feel that, although we have a right to choose our actions, wouldn't it be nicer to spread positivity rather than misery? Yes I get it, everyone has to have a nice rant once in a while to complain about everything in the universe, just one example. But when all this gets too much, it gets hard for others to be understanding. I guess I'm more of an observant, quiet kind of person, so I'm not about to go tell anyone how to act. High quality feedback is sometimes very very difficult and inappropriate to give. The least I can do is remind myself never to repeat that which I see and dislike.

10) So 2016 was a people-centric year for me. It wasn't an easy year, in fact it was bordering on madness, but it really taught me to find reasons to be happy rather than to get swept along in the drudgery. I really feel a large portion of life is what you make of it, and so I choose to see the positive side of things. In the years to come when I look back and the details fade, I will know 2016 as the crazy year of great friendships. Glad to have met all you wonderful people, whether only just or we've been friends for ages, and thank you for making my final year in school an awesome one! :)

11) End of stream of consciousness, wow it's late. Tomorrow I'm heading off to Cambodia, my one and only "grad trip" because I enjoyed myself so much over summer haha. I don't really know what's in store, but I'm just gonna go with the flow and believe that I'll enjoy myself! Also, this is the 3rd consecutive time that I'll be ringing in the new year from overseas. See y'all again in 2017, here's ending off the final post of the year with a nice song:

"Each day's a gift and not a given right" 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Editor's Extended Note

Dedicated to the Yearbook Team 2016, it was a pleasure working with y'all. It's finally our time to REtire! :)


I can't design for nuts, and this led me to request the role of words person/doer of odd jobs for this year's REP yearbook (the pubs comm's yearly burden undertaking). One of my final tasks was to write the editor's note (the thingy in front that people tend to skip). So having never written an editor's note before, I went to do some Googling and realised that it could contain practically anything. Not entirely helpful, but it did get me thinking about what actually deserved to be said. Eventually I settled for something slightly more eloquent than "please enjoy kthxbye", but when you've followed something over the better part of the year and through the crushing workload of Y5, ~150 words is barely enough to summarise anything.

The main point is that nothing in the yearbook came from nothing. Everything inside and out had to be hunted (when Carina and her camera went shooting), gathered (immense gratitude to everyone we've bugged for all sorts of things), or crafted. And then there was somehow putting everything together into the form of a book - a delicate mix of creativity and anguish. But by no means is this post a form of complaint, take it as some sort of dark humour instead haha. So... Ready? It's time to describe the making of the yearbook in as much detail as I can remember - to all future YBTs, heed a fair warning ;)

Just some general stuff before diving into the specifics. The most fundamental way to describe our work is that we were essentially a team of editors - say about 30% creating and 70% wondering how to make things better. In my domain, there were a ton of edits made throughout the process. Here, there, everywhere! It wasn't just about grammar/spelling/weirdness anymore, but also consistency. Like you wouldn't want to call the same person by different names across the book. Beyond words, there was a whole host of other things to consider and tweak: photos, positionings, fonts, line spacings, brightness, this-one-better-or-that-one-better, like-this-nicer-or-like-that-nicer, and every-freaking-thing else. I can't really speak for the designers, who had to deal with all of the above on top of misbehaving software. But having contributed eye power, I must say that they deserve a hats off for their skill and intuition - knowing what works really isn't easy.

And now on we move to the "troublesome" things. Where in between gnashing teeth and frustrated outbursts, there were bouts of manic sob-laughter when things went beyond irritating and turned morbidly funny.

REClub President's message - edited no fewer than 5 times. The greatest challenge here was really in maintaining the "voice" of Mr. ex-President himself. A message cannot be blitzed the same way as a project report, not unless it is intended to sound like a robot wrote it. Then again, there were space issues to contend with, so unfortunately not every heartfelt word made it to the end. So it's not in perfect English, and overall still fairly unconventional for a keynote message, but it is these imperfections that make it as perfect as it gets. If you ask me though, not as the editor but as a friend, the final version barely sounds like him. But then I remember the reminiscent [read: long-winded], and mildly uncouth first draft, and I think I'm fairly satisfied haha.

Ah, the REP Fellows feature. Seems innocuous enough. That's before it becomes apparent how difficult it is to gather all the individual photos of sufficient quality, before erasing all of their backgrounds. There was this one photo that was so LQ it managed to set the benchmark for the entire book. So during test printing, as we crowded eagerly around the very first copy to see how it'd turned out, there was an easy test for quality. In Carina's words, "if she's OK *jabs finger*, the whole book is."

Nothing very annoying about the middle sections (for me; again I cannot speak for the designers), not until it came to vetting which we'll talk about later. Here I must stress how much I appreciated all those quick responses from when I went into journalist mode, whether it was for quotes or photos or someone's full name. Not everything made it to the end, but every bit of information returned (along with the occasional encouraging message) really made doing this a whole lot easier.

Achievements page was also unexpectedly troublesome, but in a way it was a happy problem. REP students really are a bunch of overachievers! It seems like it is the hobby of some to join all sorts of competitions and win prizes in all of them. Really like free flow. Things actually reached a point where we had to say "k cut liao this one leave for next year", and even bump 3rd placings off the main display into the "additional mentions". In future yearbooks, the achievements spread might just be columns and columns of 1st placings, no more space for photos. Which is a shame actually, because out of the whole book, this spread is my favourite in terms of design.

Grad feature. Pretty weird to be doing this for ourselves, but I guess it made gathering stuff easier. In this section, crowd-sourcing for ideas was employed to AMAZING effect. To the 5 people whose words I've borrowed and stitched together, a huge thank you, and I hope the end result works! The rationale was that we were but a handful of people who happened to be from the graduating batch - our views and thoughts may not be representative. [Esp since we were so jaded at that point] I was more involved in conceptualizing this spread, and I remember the days where it was blank white. Well let's just say making this spread was a mini journey in itself, with lots of brainstorming, chucked ideas, and on my end, countless experimentations wrt the words across the page. Maybe one day we will conjure memories of our own just from looking at this spread. Or at least, I know I'll be able to.

Pro-tip for future YBTs: PROTOTYPE. As we headed towards final printing, we thought it'd be good to defend against expensive surprises. In fact, we had two prototypes! Two stapled + taped stacks of paper covered in ink from the RPR printer, post-its with scribbles, and even more scribbles by the end of it. Some of our profs would've been proud. Taken from RE6007 notes: "If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a prototype is worth a thousand pictures", which actually, eerily sounds like a yearbook. Some things read differently on screen and on actual paper (I seriously have no idea why), and this means edits using the good ol' pencil. Also, only a prototype can affirm if a design works - if it doesn't look right on the prototype it damn right won't on the actual print. Good thing the RPR has a paper cutter lying around, although it went blunt and we had to manually scissor the white edges off prototype 2.0. The sheared-down size also felt more "handy" than a full-sized A4, and so we kept it that way, in case you're wondering if this year's edition feels a tad small.

Know that phrase "come out of the woodwork"? Yea, errors loved to do just that after biding their time, hiding from sweep after sweep by multiple pairs of tired eyes. Everyone chipped in here, especially to cover for my super ineptness at spotting spelling errors. [InDesign does not have spellcheck. Whut.] It's actually pretty amazing how well errors hide in the big open. Either that or it's amazing how gone our eyes were. [That's why there should be more young people on the YBT not saddled with the burden of Y5 haha] Eventually (n rounds later), we came to accept that the edits must stop, whether for design or for words, and that we had done enough. So if anyone spies anything amiss... Please be kind [unless one has the dying wish of breaking a string of hearts]. These things weren't in the timeline, like a planned "vetting period", but after working on something for so long it'd simply be very 心痛 to find a careless or preventable error in the actual print. I haven't actually read my own copy. It's like some kind of 职业病, but I can't really bring myself to read it all the way through right now. Macam traumatised ahahaha.

Ah, I mustn't forget to mention the promotional spreads and the videos that I'm guessing many people replayed more than a handful of times ;) The stars were the ones who helped us sell the book, but it took the geniuses in our team to make sure they looked their best! #editingbosses Also, those "books" in the videos were really just our trusty prototype 1.0. See the extent of its usefulness? Even if not everyone bought the (real) books, I'm sure the promos were at least able to deliver laughter, joy, and a great deal of distraction to all who viewed them >:D

The final word is reserved for the team itself. For one, I think it's a good thing we all knew how to work together with one another, especially since most of us had already spent so long as classmates. Otherwise, the final product would've been a chopped up mess. Skill-wise, we also had a good spread. Imagine if 5 of me were to do this; the yearbook would look like an FYP report. Also as with everything REP, it was tough work, but we managed to find our own kind of fun in the process! If you ask me whether those cold nights in the RPR and all those hours spent scanning through drafts were worth it, well, I can say that because of those, we can now say that our job is done with confidence and pride!

If you've got a copy handy and haven't yet done so, please sit back, turn the pages, and enjoy! [If not, please continue waiting xD] That is the best reward that you can give us in the YBT :)

YBT 2016!

Iridescent

O level year. I'd gotten 4/5 for one "define using 7 words or less" vocab section in some English paper, after screwing up the titular word. It's stuck with me since then that "iridescent" doesn't just mean multi-coloured, it also speaks of a shine.

~~~~~~~~~~

A level year. Song of my life following the June common tests: Iridescent by Linkin Park. Google the chorus and try to empathize with the panicky kid who just couldn't chemistry.

~~~~~~~~~~

Graduation year.

Sometime back, us in the Yearbook Team had this bright idea of getting everyone from the graduating batch to contribute a word that summed up their REP journey. [Soz if spoilers for Renaissance Night but it was our idea first ;)] While that plan eventually lost its way and joined the pile of rejects, I kept my word close. No prizes for guessing which word I picked but really, it was the first thing that popped up in my mind. Unwarranted lightning-fast notions sometimes come with a dubious feeling, so I mulled for almost a week trying to find a better word. Well, nothing. Therefore I had to answer to myself why I somehow felt that my REP journey was, of all things, "iridescent". Seems an unconventional allusion, but it all comes back to the definition.

Colourful should be self-explanatory. But in case it isn't... For such a small course the range of characters within it is extraordinary. Haha, and so are the things we get up to together - let's just say that the RPR lives up to its moonlight name xD [Non-REP friends, RPR stands for Renaissance Project Room and is our main classroom by day. After hours though, the 'P' stands for something else.] In Y4 we came back to an influx of unfamiliar faces, and there was definitely some initial uhh aversion (i.e. omg who are all these strangers in the RPR using the printer?!). Well, things got better! Unlike long ago, there are now too many people in the course for everyone to know everyone else's names. So it's good enough for me that I can count friends from across batches. It's something of fortune really, to be part of an environment that allows and encourages people to connect. Everyone is unique, talented in their own way, and has something to bring for the benefit of everyone else. When it matters though, we're all one REP family, one colourful community.

To create a shine, you need the light. Indeed, some of the brightest moments in my life were possible because of REP. Yea, there's that one-year exchange, heavy school support, guaranteed hall stay (this is pure gold for a pasir ris girl)... Everyone knows that. But all the promotional material in the world cannot convey the true experience of being in this course. There's something about the way we were "brought up" here, and it's a sort of environment which I think is extremely rare in tertiary education. Our relationships with one another can be attributed in part to this environment. Because we don't have to compete amongst ourselves, for grades or whatever, we have the full liberty of helping each other out and contributing in almost any way possible. People are extremely unselfish here! Just one example - where else do you get classmates who compile and share notes, and even hold revision lectures for everyone else's benefit? And the history of this goes back to Y1. All this time, I've never been denied help as long as I asked for it, both in academics and out, and I think I've been able to help others in my own ways too. Aside from the wonderful year of exchange and all the other benefits, there are many of these "small and normal" things that hold light in themselves. We are privileged.

One thing we cannot forget though, is that there cannot be shine without the shadow. Without moments of darkness, light is simply blinding/flat/2D - hard to appreciate. Everything is relative, like if you're high all the time you stop feeling so, and so that's where the tough times become essential. Working late into the night and walking back to hall in the dark is a staple of REP life. And then, there's the bigger, scarier things such as feeling lost in a foreign land. Eventually most things turn out fine, and the tougher the experience, the greater the armour and feeling of triumph. Same theory goes for people who come to give hell and teach us uncertainty - they allow us to appreciate those who are genuinely there for us, who care for us and guide us along. The best thing about going through all these though, was knowing that I was never alone. It's true that people bond through adversity, even through horrible times where the worst is always yet to come. We all have the memories to prove it. [It's also safe to say now, that all these years I've never really minded going over to the hall 8/9 side for meetings. Because at the end of crazy days, the walks back to 11 were always moments of serenity in the cool night.]

REP is challenging no doubt, but that's really what helps us grow (fast). We don't face the scary stuff alone anyway; we've got friends to walk with over all those mountains and valleys, sharing the greatest experiences and creating the best memories. It's a journey right? Well today was the end of it all, the final time we'd leave lighthearted from an exam hall as classmates to proceed with our shenanigans at the nearest malls. But those are stories for another day. When writing this post I faced a sobering transition - from today on, I can no longer write about my REP days in present tense. Please pardon any confusion this time round, it's all in the spirit of moving on.

So I guess now's a good time to zoom out and take a look back at the entire picture... That's where I see this glittering myriad of colours that makes REP iridescent, makes it beautiful.

End of Y2S2 (May 2014). I vaguely rmb there being this feeling of "graduating" coz we were all going our separate ways for one year.

(Almost) End of Y5 (Dec 2016). Well look now, graduation's really here.

讲话

Recently, I've had the privilege of meeting some really rude people. Lol that's not because I enjoy being spoken rudely to, but because these ultimately harmless encounters were actually great lessons on how not to behave.

The thing is (I assume), it's not like these people lack education. Well, this one speaker for a Friday lesson was clearly of high caliber, judging from job title as well as past achievements. But why on earth, in all of his fluency and competence, did he speak as though addressing a room full of... I don't even know what kind of people deserve to be spoken to in such a condescending manner. He's gonna get the lowest marks possible if there's feedback. In another situation, a stranger made her grievances known to me (it wasn't about me, but something in front of us) in the form of vulgarity-laden sentences. Firstly, every word has its rightful place and usage, including expletives, but it simply displays a lacking vocabulary when these appear multiple times in a single sentence. Also, I don't feel like it's nice to vent on strangers just because they're sitting and staring at the same thing.

Bad taste, good learning opportunities, as with every other nasty encounter in life. Not everybody is blessed with great language skills, in English or whatever other language. But sometimes I wonder how some people can speak so well, and yet speak so much worse than a void deck hokkien beng.

Not that being a hokkien beng is bad actually. Education does have an impact on the way we speak or express ourselves, but it matters more what is being said. People can be torn down in great fluency, just as much as positive messages can be delivered in the "粗话" of the neighbourhood. I happen to be a bit more proficient in written English, but I don't really speak in the same way haha. It's very tiring to have to keep up measured tones and proper diction, so outside of necessary situations, it's always a great relief to go back to normal singlish. Also, I speak differently to different groups of friends, and there are a few which I speak predominantly mandarin to.

I actually really enjoy conversing in neighbourhood mandarin. I dunno why, but it's more fun? My Chinese is not good lol really I got a C for A levels, and sometimes my 音 a bit off, but who cares hahaha. Some things somehow just flow better on channel 8 (but for anything too cheem to handle I just switch back to english). [It's a bit funny though when ppl cannot speak chinese despite having taken higher chinese?? Haha I cannot understand.]

It is also uncommon to find people who speak this way naturally in REP. So I'm glad that a random event like IVEC actually managed to bring closer a bunch of neighbourhood kids - it's almost like secondary school once again. There's a sort of connection between people of similar backgrounds (relative to whatever situation so it's kinda like finding a Singaporean while overseas), and communication is one of the ways in which this is most obvious. It's great fun to lim <insert favourite kopitiam beverage> and talk about all sorts of random nonsense in a language where we're all extremely comfortable. On exams: "this sem you got 几张纸?". On the thin walls of North Hill: "这里的 walls 不 soundproof..." *cow's epic mishearing* "谁不穿裤??". And that's just the gist of it.

Seems like a pretty weird post I've just written haha. I guess with graduation looming and all, these are just some of the simple, happy times that I want to remember. Also, it's a reminder to myself to use language positively, in whatever manner of speech I choose.

Ought to breathe

These days, it feels like my sense of time's gone a little nuts. Whether this is a cause or symptom of stress I have no clue. Things that happened before this sem, though it's really only been about 3-4 months, feel like they passed a lifetime ago. Things that happened in this sem, however, always feel like they happened "yesterday" or "just 2 weeks ago". This definitely ain't accurate given how we've given September, and oh look October too, nothing more than a glimpse. Whoever/whatever's playing with the flow of time please stoppit.

Well, it's an amusing topic to talk about at least. It's unbelievable how much disbelief there can be in discussions with always the same running topic. 2016, where the heck are you rushing off to?

While it's well and truly the second-last month of the year, let's take a moment to look back upon RE60XX October.

... What actually happened?

The transition from September was pretty fuzzy, and it was only at 10 days deep that realisation hit like a tsunami: "the first third of October's already gone?!" True story. I have no idea anymore what happened back then [but according to my previous posts I'd done some reflection and had some enjoyable meals at least]. And then I think there was a flood that lasted some 20 days before washing us up onto the shores of November.

So really what has happened? Some interviews, some meals, generous helpings of projects, a sprinkling of sleep, and a tiny precious drop of climbing. Yup seems like it. When you live life like a zombie I guess everything's vague at best.

But we make the best of things, we were trained to be strong. Mealtimes become break times, and same goes for the simple act of non-work-related communication. Stress sometimes brings out behaviours which can be amusing to watch. [Though stress for me tends to manifest in ways that cause difficulty in eating, which is a pain. Nice food deserves to be enjoyed :(] Also I've learnt to be savvy or firm about structuring in breaks and things I have to do to keep going. The stage of "don't care anymore" acts as a natural assertion that it's time to go and have some fun; no such thing as "finishing everything" before going out to play - don't try that in Y5 it's dangerous.

I actually lived the perfect analogy for this over dinner one Sunday evening (steamboat with the family). As always, my partiality lies with cheese tofu. For those who haven't seen the way I eat, my preferences are usually observable - leave the best for last right? Turns out in steamboat, "last" is pretty ambiguous with the food continuously streaming in either by my chopsticks or by the parents piling it on. So there I was meticulously chewing on everything else and making sure to keep my cheese tofu to deserving intervals. The turning point came when I was notified that the cheese tofu sitting in my bowl (only my second piece!!) was the final one (no thanks to le sister). I had actually been planning to eat that sooner, but that was no longer to be. And when the time finally came, I was full and it was cold :(

Aside from being a story about a nice dinner, the above proceedings made me realise that the value of respite stems not just from its form, but also its timeliness. Just like that chinese saying 休息是为了走更长的路 - you don't walk until your legs break before you take a break right? In every week that passes, I'll write what needs to be written, and I'll write what I want to write. If spending another 30 minutes or so eating means I get to laugh a little longer with my friends, so be it. Even if it's just once a week, I'll never pass my climbs up for anything that "needs" to be done. There's always time for the cheese tofus of life.

October taught me that I ought to breathe.

Throwback Thursday - Cai Fan on Exchange?!

Over dinner, we talked about food. The conversation revolved around appetite sizes for a while before someone said something along the lines of "I saw that you guys bought cai fan in London".

??? What?!?!?

As three pairs of bewildered eyes stared, "... posted photos of rice with ingredients..."

Ohhh... My old blog post la: http://chalknchowder.blogspot.sg/2014/08/lunch-diaries.html

Hahahaha funny, where do you find cai fan in London or wherever in the UK unless it's home-made.

Then on the bus ride back [it was a spontaneous out-of-school meal, the second in as many days], the spotlight came on our favourite places we've traveled to. After we alighted back at hall 11, Carina and I commented that you know it really doesn't feel that far back even though everything happened 1-2 years ago. Those good days. Now we just have projects and more projects to look forward to.

I went back to find that post, and found it highly amusing to read, as it seems I'd felt when I wrote it more than 2 years ago. Never got around to continuing the series even though I took photos of every single office lunch we had during those times. Here's all the rest of them!

Now which piece of homework shall I attempt to do tonight...

September Symbolism

A is for Acceptance.
So maybe I can't get to the moon, but I still get to appreciate the beauty of the stars around me.

B is for Belief.
It's a magic ingredient in its own right, but at the same time it's as simple as salt. Belief makes all the difference to hazy and uncertain experiences where you don't really know what's going to happen in the end, but still you pour in your all. We don't always need reason to believe, but belief is always a reason in itself. When you DON'T believe in something however, let's just say it's a very tedious piece of (school)work unworthy of the effort needed for completion, but bopian.

C is for vitamin C.
I don't fall sick easily, but in the prevailing conditions I feel my body asking for all the help it can get.

D is for Define.
Was very ready to put "Disappointment" instead, following the last day of Sept. But that word alone doesn't do justice - even through disappointment I have achieved some definition of self. In this month, I got to know myself a little better and it's allowed me to understand and accept why I made some of my choices.

E is for Exhaustion.
18 AUs don't speak of the meetings that run till 1:30 am, the done-with-this-what's-next-on-the-list pace of work during "free time", and those days you really want to pay attention in class, but feel too zoned out to do so. 18 AUs per day rather would be a much closer representation of reality.

F is for Friends.
Running down Orchard Road in orange t-shirts, watching Sing! China, playing Codenames... Even climbing would be so meaningless without you guys. Here's to all of you out there who were with me through the ups and downs of this month, who have seen me smile, grateful for you all :)

G is for Grind.
When things are already so hectic and you know that it's going to get worse and this is the final freaking sem that's slipping away for goodness sake. It's funny that I actually thought Y4S1 was the worse, then same for Y4S2, and now I guess Y5 really takes the cake. Makes FYP feel easy.

H is for High.
Happens when one climbs!

I is for Intense.
Obviously not gonna let schoolwork run my life, so I always make sure to slot stuff that I actually want to do in between i.e. the weekends. Squeezing out rest = intense but worth it while I'm still young and able to tank. 

J is for Jubilation.
I really like feeling happy for others! Jubilation is one explosive form of happiness that is simply there for everyone to tap on (unless of course one is an emotional Scrooge) - one of the most generous feelings around. No UMC representatives in NW finals this time round, but I'm so happy for all the others who managed to promote in their respective categories!

K is for Kindness.
Not everyone is made equal. I guess in that sense, people are made to rely on others every so often. Each person is skilled in their own way, and it happens that coding/wiring really ain't my thing. When a 神 asks nothing in return for a humongous amount of help (to me), there is nothing but gratitude that there are such kind people in the world.

L is for Lightheartedness.
I know I'm starting to sound schizophrenic, but this post covers the whole of September after all. Lighthearted moments ironically become more common with increase in workload. These moments hinge on the relief of burdens - those precious times following the end of some presentation or after erasing the last thing on the homework list, or when you see something through to the end.

M is for Malfunction.
When I forget things, when I slur, and when my English is a bit weird - sorry I'm not usually like that (when less indebted in the sleep department anyway).

N is for Necessity.
When time is tight, lots of things have to be weighed. But I still have to eat right, and I have to eat with my family, so there's very little question in that.

O is for Opportunity.
Unlike the halcyon days of summer, I can't say "ok!" to everything anymore. That said, whenever something comes around that passes my "is it important enough to delay attending to academic burdens for" litmus test, I do not hesitate to act on it. Opportunities now have to pass a filter additional to interest before I see them as such - I have to care enough. Know that if you happen to be spending time with me outside of schoolwork :)

P is for Pun.
Yes, this is an inside joke.

Q is for Quip.
Some people come up with the best jokes around seriously, and I especially appreciate sharp one-liners/double meanings. Can't think of examples now, but sometimes these tend to be directed at certain people haha.

R is for Resilience.
More realistic than resistance. There are some things which cannot be helped at that very moment, what's most important is coming back with a stronger solution, for a better chance.

S is for Sleep.
Which I need more of. Doesn't help that my body has adopted some sort of "high-alert mode" which causes me to wake up either at 7am or after 7 hours of sleep, whichever is earlier. If I decide to pursue the intended waking time, I usually have to extend on the alarm. Bad.

T is for Thunderstorm.
I was awoken at 5am one morning by a frighteningly loud clap of thunder, prob the first time this has ever happened to me. Half the 11 breakfast club also reported the same thing (the rest were extremely sound sleepers, or just too tired). Not forgetting the morning of 10th Sept where our event space was reduced to shambles from a single gust of wind and where a flood rolled downhill to greet us. The weather these days... But as always, 雨过天晴. Storms don't last.

U is for Underlie.
I find myself thinking a lot about the root causes of things these days. Cursory problem-solving methods tend to mistake the "whats" as the "whys", and do not address the true "whys"; these really only get to scratch the surface. It is not easy to identify things that underlie, especially if they're covered by layers of fancy stuff. That said, it is definitely helpful to understand the exact reasons why people behave in certain ways, so that these very behaviours can be turned into teaching tools to drive intended outcomes. Always useful for RE7088, and for those who played the game at DoN, never realised how much you guys were hesitating right? ;)

V is for Value.
Purely negative experiences have no value at all. Although there have definitely been some of those, I feel like I'm now more mature and able to look further. In times where my younger selves would probably have been just very upset, I gain deeper insights and deeper appreciation for things that I truly value.

W is for Where the hell did June July August September go.

X.
The crossroads of life are drawing near. I have no idea what path I will be set on in the future, but I just hope that it will be a meaningful one with flowers to smell along the way.

Y is for Yeesh.
It's the sound I tend to say in my head when in ridiculous situations, and there have been many in this month. [never experienced so much difficulty giving honest feedback to a few simple questions]

Z is for Zeal.
It's been a tough September. But it is my personal belief that it is the toughest times that allow one to learn and grow the most. I guess that's why I'm feeling this strangely strong zeal for life? Outside of the mundane, every opportunity to spend with cool people doing the things that challenge me and that I enjoy is now so much brighter than before.

Simple things

Supper!

Rounds off a day of unusual hunger spikes.

Gratitude.

For a handful of chocolate biscuits, and for the healthy stuff I've just consumed (I don't snack).

The simple things in life that keep us going, keep us fighting, keep us smiling :)

RE7088

Let's put this out there: as I head towards the end of formal education, it is my hope and objective that RE7088 Rock Climbing carries on for the enjoyment and benefit of future REP generations.

[For the record, RE7088 was named for our sports module classification (from the year 1 days) and also for the double figure-eight knot. It's not RE7008 please coz that would be tantamount to free soloing, which I do not encourage.]

Well it's not quite the end yet, but the opening of a new semester has brought some closures and some beginnings, so it's a fair juncture to sit down and reflect. There are too many things that I've learnt and that I'm thankful for - here's my side of the story.

As it goes, I came back from Imperial and wanted to hop on the Hangouts train. But you can't just climb/learn about climbing in the RPR and <insert lots of other excuses>, so I let it hang. You could say I had a tonne of kindling ready, but was just lacking the spark. So actually, the initiator wasn't me (the welcome night trivia was wrong haha). I kid, though it's still true that everyone who has gone through this "module" has this one person to thank - the first to ask for a climbing session back in Dec 2015 (ask if you wanna know who!). Because she asked, I ran that session and the rest is history.

Tbh, I really really couldn't understand why anyone would come back for more, following the first sessions. As a more experienced climber I derive enjoyment from things like being able to apply technique and dancing my way through a route. Therefore, I at that point was feeling a sort of disconnection with these people who were somehow enjoying bashing their way up the wall in their sports shoes. It was both amazing and mind-boggling that people were going back all sore with raw hands and yet, they wanted to climb some more! This feeling persisted until I finally realised that I'd forgotten the excitement of a beginner. Climbing can be punishing, both physically and mentally, and it changes you over the years. I genuinely felt like some kind of pure, innocent joy was let back into my life, just by running these sessions and being around people so new and yet so determined.

From then, I resolved to stay in this for as long as people remained interested. So I got thinking, and I've thought millions of these thoughts ever since. I know why I climb, and what I enjoy about it. The perennial question is how to project these feelings into actions that in turn foster the same fire in others. As per the usual wading-into-the-unknown protocol, I never planned very far ahead [training plans aren't really my thing and it's reflective], but along the way we moved from sports shoes to climbing shoes, and a few overarching themes started to emerge.

Firstly, it's fun to watch people spider to the top, but it's even better if they fall off before getting there. Climbing is an individual sport no doubt, but because it is so, the climber stands to benefit from the full might of the watching crowd. I.e. no jeers from the opposing side and no limelight-hogging team members. It's just you against an inanimate challenge so everyone's on your side, and they remain on your side even when you fall. When everyone's on the same side, we sit on the mat and chat after suffering temporary defeat at the hands of the wall. We chat about how to put the wall in its place, and then we chat about school, and then life... But wait, who's "we" in the first place? Anyone under the sun (and in the subset of REP in this case) qualifies to be part of "we". Climbing unites, and when R1-R6 shows up in one session, I think that's an example of inter-batch bonding right there :)

14th August 2016

Now it's very difficult to separate the topic of falling from that of failure. In any challenge worth attempting there is always ample opportunity to fail, and more often than not it happens. Sometimes we get past a problem in a single day, other times it takes weeks, and sometimes we never get the satisfaction of conquering a problem before it gets taken down. Doesn't that sound strangely like another game we all play, which goes by the name of Life? By coming down to climb, people show their willingness to face their challenges head-on (I disapprove of a day spent climbing ladders), and to take the pain comes with it. If you do this enough it carries over into real life and becomes a characteristic that tides you through hard times #truestory. It also helps that REP people generally aren't a sluggish bunch - I've witnessed a >30 minute fight to the top against an increasingly recalcitrant body. In short, sweet success only comes after a great deal of effort, and the sooner one is willing to fight for it, the sooner it'll come.

So that's just the general stuff. Ultimately, running this sort of thing as the most experienced person meant that I initially had to take on responsibility for shaping the experiences of others. Fairly daunting, but also extremely rewarding. The following paragraphs comprise recollections from my point of view, my theories and policies, and other detailed mish-mash.

I wasn't gonna make people face their battles without equipping them with the skills to fight. In my book, technique is king [I know enough to teach]; muscling only gets you up to juggy newbie routes and I can't steel your fingers overnight. Yes, strength definitely helps. But my theory is that you can always learn complex moves on easy tiles, and in the future translate them onto complex routes where they belong. First step is to use my own body as a figure for demonstration while narrating using the laws of physics (e.g. giant barndoors are all caused by simple moments). Second step is to awaken all those sleeping muscles that only weird people like climbers use, and which no amount of pullups will help to uncover, by putting people on the wall. I remember from long ago, giant crabs or spiders sidling across a few meters of wall before peeling off. After a while, the movements got neater, more fluid, and more sustained - signs that my crabs were evolving into climbers.

In essence, it is always important for people to do it and feel it for themselves (also why Hangouts: Climbing Theory 101 would never have worked). But sometimes intrinsic motivation only gets us so far - we all need nice friends to push us off the plank into uncharted waters. I have had experience climbing alone before, and I was always aware that I could never climb as hard as when I climb with my friends [coz I'm personally not at a high enough level to do so, but that's another story]. Such lonely times have allowed me to understand the importance of leveraging on the power of group motivation.

Those who have come for sessions before will know exactly how I run them, and this shall be my attempt in explaining the backing concepts (for which I've cooked up names for easy reference). In roped climbing, the belayer has the last say on whether the climber gets to come back down. Obviously they fully deserve to upon completion of a route, but what if they fall off halfway? I say a belayer who lowers his/her climber just because the climber is tired/scared/pumped/etc is letting them down in more ways than one. Most times on the way to achieving greater things, people just need other people not to give up on them. Two rules: (1) If they don't ask to lower, don't (2) If they ask to lower, don't. This summarises acutely my policy of Never-Gonna-Let-You-Down as long as you're fit to continue. There are exceptions and ways to tell when a climber is truly spent (which I've told selected people and which I won't reveal here ;)), but most of the time the very least a belayer can do is to allow their climber their struggle to the end. Another underlying concept-theory is that of the Motivational Multiplier. How this works is sort of a theory within a theory. People have preconceived notions on how others around them are expected to perform, and this very same expectation can actually provide an excellent springboard to start off the Multiplier. Dungeddit? K diagram.

Looks somewhat like laser emission ;)

To give an example, think of me doing a 6a (a route grade) versus someone new doing the same 6a. When I attempt (and make it look easy), the thought driven by prior knowledge of my background would run something like "she can do it" because I am expected to perform at that level. Then when a certain other girl comes and finishes the route, suddenly everyone (especially guys) starts to think "I think I can do it". It's ok to struggle and fall along a route, because it makes one seem more human. And it also reminds everyone else watching that while it is not easy, it can be done. Although things are now switching up a bit, most people who have participated all started on the same level: new. At this level where everything is bright and shiny, it just takes that one person to attempt something "difficult" and open up that gap from which motivation pours. This carries on onto the next 6a, and maybe the next 6b, and so on... and most importantly it impacts all the people surrounding you. This is the most powerful aspect of the Multiplier: it is a cascade effect that every single person has the ability to evoke. You just have to be willing to try.

The Never-Gonna-Let-You-Down and the Motivational Multiplier combine into a very potent extrinsic driver that pays inspiration forward and keeps people coming back. My part in this is to add oil and keep stoking the fire so that its effects take care of themselves. #HighChallengeHighSupport + verbal affirmations, so I'm confident I'm not doing this wrong :)

Aside from fanning the flames, an added challenge on my end was that in order to advise, I suddenly had to learn to climb in bodies vastly different from my own (I think I was the most average-sized and -shaped one around). Dealing with this kinda resembles moving a marionette in my mind, and tailoring the beta along the way according to real-time visual data. Creepy huh, but since I don't know any consciousness-projecting jutsu, creepy method it is.

Another amusing thing I get is that some people, upon finishing a hard route and landing back on earth, think that they did it only because I (or whoever else was belaying) "pulled them up". Please la, it's not like I can lift your bodyweight over my head. If you don't push yourself to keep inching up, no amount of pulling on the belayer's end will help you get further. We're there simply to provide ground support and to tighten up the slack in between (and also to keep you from dying). So yes, it's all (mostly) you :) In truth, the same concept applies to RE7088 itself. As long as you invest your interest, I will invest my time and best abilities in helping you improve. Throughout this time, people have expressed their interest in really interesting ways. Showing up and paying for (expensive) gym entry is an indisputable sign, and just as much so is personally dropping a note(s) when other aspects of life get in the way. I have taken a lesson on sincerity and genuineness, and also felt the significant appreciation that can stem from such a small gesture. This I will do well to remember for life.

[Not forgetting the attendance list for the last big session: as exciting as watching a stock market right to the very last minute. As one famous person once said (screamed at us actually), life's full of uncertainties and sometimes we just have to accept them.]

I seem to have reached an apropos juncture to give special mention to Extra Training, my core group of strong people. Haha revelation! Certain people have had "special attention", or should I say: more pain more gain? Pain of parting with money for gear, pain of seasoning personal climbing shoes, pain of not being able to climb enough. I can't read your minds, so I will speak of the gains observable to me: your ROCKET progress since the start (practically only since the start of summer at that). I vaguely remember what it was like being new to climbing, and I know I certainly didn't get to climbing 6b within the equivalent of a quarter year. Although I'm probably fated never be a really strong or good climber, and I've been flunking badly at competitions, I sort of feel like I achieved something through your strength in this summer. It is a great feeling :) What is it about you guys really, that is able to make me feel so much? Maybe it's coz you're my homegrown group of climbing kakis :D Maybe it's our culture of suan-based support, random conversations, and other hilarious interactions from every time we climbed for 8 hours. Maybe it's simply coz y'all were always there but now I'm waiting for (2/3 of) y'all to come back. I really can't put a finger to it. So it's your fault that this post is taking so long to write HAHA; I just can't find good enough words. Damage report: emptiness.

Phase 1 of Extra Training is over. If anyone else is interested, show it ;)
 
Reaching the end now. The final, crucial lesson for me is that I have learnt to accept the best that I can do. I've never before been put in a situation where I'm so aware of almost every single limitation - commitments on my end and theirs, the Level 1 pool, the basic concept of time... As much as I'd like to have more sessions, be able to allocate more time to each person, and help each individual unleash their potential, I can't always get what I want. It makes me feel helpless to be this shackled and at the same time be so aware of all these shackles. Nonetheless, this is the key that guarantees my full presence in every single session. I treasure all the time I spend doing this so much more because I know that it won't last. I always want to do more, but sometimes it is not to be. Then, I let go and trust that it's ok. We're moving into new beginnings now, and when I see excitement in the eyes of others, I know we're in for good times.

This was an extremely difficult post to write - my most time-consuming and thought-provoking post to date. Far from blanking out, there were lots and lots of thoughts rushing from every direction possible, and so many things I want to share. But I guess no matter what I think, the impact counts infinitely more. I'll let others speak for themselves but on my part... I think I've done it! After 4 long years, I can finally say with confidence that I'm no longer the only rock climber in REP :)

<3

Night-time Thoughts II

Other pieces of writing need to be done, but the words just keep escaping me. Have had an assortment of other experiences meanwhile, so I thought I'd just jot them down so I can have a laugh next time. REAL is included as well coz it doesn't deserve its own post this time round.

1) Well its not like I learnt nothing in REAL 2016, but most of the lessons were prob not the ones intended. High quality feedback = observation + impact which saves me the trouble of thinking "how I'd have done it better" (but I might deviate). Here are some:

• The delivery of lessons hinges on structure and content (and the person in front), but it does not do to be overly rigid. Isn't leadership and all that a sort of fluffy cloud in the first place? Everyone can feel it when someone tries to harness clouds.
• It also does not do to deviate from instructions so rigidly expounded. Like err, you tell us not to give suggestions, but you give a great deal of it (doesn't help that those ended up being "on another planet").
• I was so extremely bothered by the above situation coz it concerned my learning partner. In the end we take what lessons we can, even if its something we derived from our sharings with one another rather than what was actually taught. A recurring theme was not to over-restrict ourselves. You may think you know what you're driving towards, but don't be crushed if it turns out not to be. Maybe you were meant for something else, something just as great or even greater, but you don't see it just because it wasn't your original goal. Potential, just like leadership, is a cloud - walk through with confidence and you'll never have to settle for anything less.
• Be present, be genuine. It is very easy to tell/sense when someone is actually somewhere else.
• Who says we can't have fun while learning? One of the rare occasions where the classroom was basically a container of laughter was in the empathetic email exchange. We found that empathy begets empathy only in the ideal world, but non-empathy definitely begot non-empathy and a series of trolling responses.
• Things could definitely have been better, but hey, everyone has new things to learn so... How fascinating! 

2) Fourth REP batch is completely overseas now and I wasn't expecting to feel as much as I do about this.

3) Severe lack of rest makes the body sluggish and the mind slow and makes one do idiotic things:

• Accidentally locked my sis out of the room one night, so she had to spend the night on the sofa. I clearly rmb feeling an "extra sensation" as I closed the door, but obviously didn't think much of it. Felt so bad next morning D: D: D:
• Was having trouble controlling my half-boiled eggs (after waking at 0530). Crushed one and let the other slip through my fingers onto my lap. Shows the importance of fine control; it was just breakfast and I was already failing so badly.
• When editing simple English starts to take an inordinate amount of effort, apply 10 hours of sleep with complete urgency.

4) Year 5 already = so many young people everywhere! And young people, what's with the open shock (literally like this, :O) when we introduce ourselves as year 5s hahaha is it like seeing dinosaurs walk again?

5) People are changing, and the people around me are changing. Time to be a friendly dinosaur and make some new friends.


6) Sean said to me: when one enjoys writing, the reader enjoys reading. Which is true! I can sometimes feel what other people feel when they write (if I don't feel anything it's prob a sign of apathy on one end). So what happens if I enjoy making people laugh/cry/think/become confused >:)?

7) Entered this sem at a run, with multiple things vying for attention and allocation of time. I wish I wasn't this busy, coz the busier one is, the faster time flies. And I really want my final few months in school to last as long as possible.

Stories of Summer: 3 Weeks, 3 Trips

My concise, condensed summer travel-highlight-log. If I don't remember it, it's not here!

KL, 22 - 24 July (Weekly Affair) 

• Destination Camp5! Largest climbing gym in SEA situated in Petaling Jaya's 1 Utama Shopping Centre.
• Highest effort put into bouldering in a very long while. Attempted to piece a 6C route on an awesome low roof.
• Shaved off more than a fair amount of skin. Hardly makes sense to describe raw fingers as feeling burnt, but that's really how it was. And before lunch on the first day at that.
• Shouldn't have bouldered so much.
• Corner routes!! Crack wall!!!! Nice to be able to find the flow through these, and then every move fits. Lost more skin from other limb parts.
• Weird toprope roof routes though, do they really expect us to campus?
• Too humji to lead anything more than one 5C route (excuse: raw fingers).
• Ate Cinnabon coz it was cheap and sugary.
• Watched Star Trek Beyond coz it was cheap. Spock and the Malay subtitles were hilarious ("Diam lah!").
• <Too busy climbing/too tired to take photos>

Bali, 30 July - 2 August (Sleepy Cats)

• First time having a fried chicken dish where everything could be eaten, save the beak. Bones felt like love letters.
• Villa was like a lush jungle chalet, complete with shower-side greenery and frequent visiting creepy crawlies.
• Set off for Lovina sunrise dolphin tour at 3.30am accompanied by a Cheshire Cat smile and a generous helping of stars.
• Sat shaking on a spiderboat (the outriggers looked like legs) due to the cold and fear of toppling over the short, narrow hull. The dolphins made everything worth though, and so many of them! Afterwards we discussed that they were probably scared and annoyed by the crowds chionging into their breathing space.
• Rafting was... ok. The most fun part was when I got flung into a 四脚朝天 position coz we were too engrossed in splashing the raft in front to notice the rock face speeding up behind.
• Watched 中国新歌声 on a tiny screen in the nights. Always funny, always more fun to watch with this bunch.
• Loved unleashing creativity in the Upside Down World. All those sticky/Sadako/falling photos!
• Didn't have much chance to feel hungry throughout the trip, car rides not being the best activity for expending energy+inherently small appetite. All that food wasted D: 
• Last dinner was on the beach. Having to discern the edible anatomy of a fish, post-sunset, by candlelight, made for an intense experience => what phone lights are for.
• Then it was time to go home, but Rinjani on neighbouring Lombok had other plans. I very much wanted to be annoyed at something, but it is very difficult to be annoyed at a volcano. The extended holiday hence became a weird cocktail of amusement and sianness. 

Taiwan, 4 - 9 August (姐妹们)

• Had to wake at 3am to catch transport for the 2nd time in days. Budget timing yea.
• Never expected to have to use so much climbing muscle in the first 2 days:
• Experienced varying levels of centrifugal force while getting dragged around at sea on inflatables of varying shapes - the banana boat was the LEAST 刺激 and I have no idea what the English names of the rest are. Always thrilling and terrifying to get lifted off during sharp bends, attached to the inflatable only by my locked grip on the holding thingy. Great one-hand-catch-dyno training!
• Went for a jeep ride with complete ignorance, zero expectations. Best description of this would be standing on a small roller coaster with my hands as my only safeguard, again. Was (a sadistic kind of) fun hanging on for dear life (no sea for cushion here) while trying to read the titles on each of the manoeuvres along the route. Chinese ain't that good, but "龙卷暴风" was pretty apparent. Ended with driving into a river and getting all soaked, again.
• Always a good idea to marginally over pack.
• The scenery in Kenting was AMAZING. Green rolling hills + Blue endless waters = best of both worlds.
• For those who know how little I eat, I'm not the worst with this bunch. Even after forgoing lunch and going 14 hours without food, we bailed out early at the 夜市 on the first day. All it took to fill us (6 girls then) was 2 串 of sotong, 3 hotdogs, and 2 large cups of 珍奶. After a few bouts of food wastage, we eventually identified 4 persons' worth as our ideal ordering capacity.
• NOTE: bad idea to go for any kind of ocean transport after lunch. Seated in a "viewing boat" submerged under the surface of Kenting's choppy sea, I found myself fighting seasickness while aiding those of my friends who succumbed. 50% casualty rate.
• Alishan was nice and cool, although a little underwhelming. This I attribute to high expectations, so I should prob treat every holiday destination as I did the jeep ride.
• While I like the feel of misty places, they make my specs seem perpetually dirty.
• Laughed my heart out watching variety shows on TV at night. Getting the saboteur card 4 times in a row: FUN ==> shag. 
• Did more shopping than I'd expected back in Kaohsiung. Pretty satisfied with what I've got now! Aside from the sister stuff, got myself a new pair of comfortable formal flats (which has since been praised :)), and TiinLab headphones. Considering that the latter cost less than half of their sg price, and that they feel like ear pillows, I'm glad my friends were willing to make those extra MRT trips with me to get them.
• Taiwanese people are extremely friendly and helpful, and they go out of their way to make clueless visitors feel at home. [although i've heard that they may scam angmohs] 
• Was having much trouble reading all the 繁体字 and asking for specific things in Mandarin. Like I couldn't even begin to read certain words, coz 有边读边 but wth is the 边 in the first place. Good thing my friends were all Higher Chinese students xD
• Had a great time! 10 years of friendship provides many happy times to treasure :)

7/8

Additional: I'm not the best person to invite to catch sunsets. Must be 5 or 6 consecutive fails to date sorry friends.

Bali 1: no

Bali 2: nuuu

Kenting: NUUUUUUUU

And so ended an eventful summer, the final one. I think I won't be taking any grad trips, I've had enough fun with some treasured groups of friends to last a while :) Now it's back to the horrors of REALity and a butchered bank account *sobs*.

REAL stuff

Finally, finally done with all 5 reflections needed to pass REAL and graduate from REP haha. Wrote about 3 journeys and 2 encounters, all extremely different. Pretty weird to have to cookie-cut my thoughts into the leadership framework though. Likely won't have the time to read any comments from the faculty before the second session starts, so I welcome any high support that anyone else wants to give me :)

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B7rtL5tAI-XpRmdHV0xrX3dPTEk

Stories of Summer: Flow + Affinity = New Friends Found

Time flies, and you know it when one month passes by in a week (or so it feels like). Case in point: the newest Attack on Titan chapter came out and I was like wa so good ah, I thought the previous chapter just came out last week (it's a monthly serialisation). Turns out my feel was horrendously off and I was genuinely shocked at having 3 weeks less of summer than I'd originally thought.

Clearly I've been busy, but not entirely aware of how much time I've been investing in things. It might be coz I never had a fixed schedule and so was able to take on any worthwhile activity as I went along. It's nice to have such flexibility, and a series of "ok!"s and "can!"s later, I was left with no time to collect dust at home anyway. Fits my style!

So... what goodies has Flow brought me? Personal development aside, getting out and about has led to lots of interactions with many different people. I have seen each of my usual friends like maybe once this whole time, so most of the time has been spent getting to know new people, or getting to know people I was already aware of better. This sounds trivial but when I think about the usual school days, the opposite is more likely to be true. A large proportion of normal school time is spent with usual friends, and any interaction with people outside cliques within the course/CCA is rather fleeting/perfunctory. Even then, I hardly get to stretch beyond "friends of friends" before retreating back to the usual comfortable circles.

This summer's been very different - when Flow and Affinity collide, magic happens. Something like "there are no strangers, only friends you have not yet met." Err wait no, not exactly. Some strangers, even after they cease to be strangers, do not ascend to the rank of friend (I detest whiny guys). But what is more true is that among strangers, there exists friends waiting to meet.

So most of my last week was taken up by facilitating a camp and preparing for it. I liken signing up for this to jumping into a black hole (paid to do so). I have no affiliation with the camp organiser and the participating organisation - I just knew someone who asked if I was free to help. With the initial "setting" being as random as such, I was really starting to wonder what I'd gotten myself into. [At Ubin + cannot bathe = omg lucky 2 nights only] The camp works on the philosophy that when humans are deprived of their basic needs (like home comforts for us pampered sg kids), they turn to those around them for survival. In this process, bonds are created as everyone strives to survive together.

If I were to take the theory a little further and add this extra icing called Affinity, that's when a handful of good friends start to rise up out of the sea of bonds. Affinity led me to find someone I knew from the one-year exchange, and also another climber!!

It's kinda amazing when you meet someone for a few hours and then you're suddenly talking like 一千年的好朋友. Let's give a context. I've probably seen the same climber at previous climbing competitions, but back then she was just another face in the crowd. In a familiar setting, you're not likely to go up to random people from other schools and just start talking. It seems that a random, unfamiliar setting can be the catalyst to bond people who have inherent similarities or connections. [It also helps that most climbers are friendly ppl hahaha]. And that other person I knew? Well, I saw her and she saw me, and we were pretty excited to be meeting again! Right there on Ubin! This camp's not the first time I've experienced this, where good friends just burst from unexpected places. It's like seeing those same juniors most days in the RPR but never saying even a "hi". Until an unusual thing like IVEC came along for us to bond over hard times and a little bit of bitching haha.

Just to summarise and make sure I'm clear of my own thoughts: as we take random paths in life, beyond our usual circles and comfort zones, we meet people that we likely have met before/will meet under more familiar circumstances, but only in this new unknown circumstance are they likely to become lasting friends.

If I was slightly unnerved at my final choice not to force out an internship at the end of the last sem, I think I can rest easy now. My top strength according to Gallup is adaptability, which means I go with the Flow and make the best out of each moment I live in. This summer's been an awesome mix of experiences which I don't think I would be happy trading for one single internship hahaha. The last stretch of summer is packed with quite a bit of traveling, but I ain't gonna neglect making time for all these new friends I've made since the start :)

[There really is a book called Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, which I'm currently reading (koped off Sean's goodreads). I'm not very far into it but already I've run into lots of quotable lines, one of them being: "the best moments occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile." Exactly my philosophy for RE7088 >:)]

Stories of Summer: Incredible Ventures, Extraordinary Characters

IVEC (29th May - 6th June 2016) really stands for Inter-Varsity Entrepreneurship Competition, but I think the title really captures the essence of it, at least to me. I agonised long and hard over whether or not to join and commit a solid 9 days to something I (at that point) had no inkling about. So, every decision has its consequences. I've suffered some, but overall, this was a decision I believe I made right :) Here's roughly why.

The Experience
It was downright exhausting. Especially because I'm an introvert, these things are really draining. But experiences with challenges and trials are the ones which provide the best lessons. No doubt the competition bit was intense, and for my team it was an exponentially increasing kind of intense. We learnt to chiong when the way was clear, to siam once we hit walls, and to just enjoy the whole process. Beer and talk cock on top of ADM included xD Oh yes, and I think my knowledge on FinTech has increased by 500%.

The People
The ones with whom I braved the challenge, the ones I chattered and laughed with at all those random times, and the ones who made it all possible. Can't totally recall what I expected when I signed up, but I remember clearly that one of my hopes was to make friends. I definitely left with more friends and more ties from places more unlikely than I'd ever imagined.

When you throw together a bunch of people from across the world, who have never talked to each other, what are the odds that all of them click? Thank you, Team 9. I never imagined that I could be so comfortable around people so different. <Inserts group picture>

Sometimes objectives aren't met, but the outcome might not necessarily be a disappointment. If we were to be honest, the strongest friendships were formed intra-uni rather than inter-. REP needs to step up its inter-batch bonding game, but IVEC is a really really good avenue! While I don't claim that we're suddenly all best friends, I do feel like I got to know people better. All relationships require effort to maintain, but I have this notion that these ties will remain strong. Coz it's not always about how long you know a person, the quality of the interactions also count. tl;dr - Bintan was fun ;)

Good times. Credits: Adeline's Facebook.

The Everything Else
Expenses covered = great time to be a tourist (mostly in my own country). There were places I'd never been, sights I'd rarely seen, and I'm glad most of the best experiences were freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ^^ [yes i know someone else is paying for it]

I barely slept 5 hours each night. Always nodding off just before lights out, then voilà, wide awake when head hit pillow. It's like the hall pillow was caffeine-imbued.

Thanks cockroach, for the visit just before bedtime. And also for loitering along the corridor and scaring other people.

Food was exceptional.

I take lessons from whomever/whatever can offer them. Just my personal thoughts but no one is really ever too old to learn something new, just too arrogant. So for those 9 days, I turned on sponge mode. Happily absorbing, quietly observing all those lighthearted/funny/serious/triumphant/sneaky/frustrating/irritating/unforgettable times. Good experiences you learn from and emulate, bad ones you remind yourself never to follow. 

Stories of Summer: Facing Walls

Summer's been eventful so far. There's been the planned and the impromptu, the fun, the meaningful, and the tiring. The only thing there's been too little of is rest... which is also my excuse for not writing. I thought I'd start with something I really like doing, but which I've had mixed feelings about lately. Other reflections will come in due time (if ever), meanwhile they're just a bunch of thoughts floating around in a cloudy space.

Yes so, climbing.

Climbing 1.0, where I improve myself and try to be effective in competitions, hasn't been going so well. At best I'm a B+ climber in my category, which really means I'm not going anywhere. Sighs, everything comes back to bite - time sacrifices and the worsening wrist. But the worst part is that the fire sort of went out. I'm always nervous (to varying degrees) before comps, but never before have I felt sian. Not until PF last week anyway, and it just got worse after the climb. Every time I know that had I trained hard, the results would definitely have been better. But good enough to get into finals? I've never been confident of that. I dunno. Compound everything and I felt like simply stopping.

Climbing 2.0, where I lure non-climbing friends to try climbing, has been better. It's mainly been within REP so far, but objectives have been met :D When we began last Dec (at the suggestion/request of a friend), I thought it was going to be a fun one-time intro kinda thing. Who knew that these people wanted more! The enthusiastic ones have really amazed me, and the talent is real. But that's more of a really nice cherry on top. What I truly wanted was for people from different batches to interact and make friends. So it might be a really small group, but I think it's working. Recre climbing is more like 50% actual climbing and 50% sitting and talking anyway haha, and then going for meals at super odd times. Through this small venture of mine, I've also found something else that's fulfilling to me. Sometimes, when appropriate challenges are set for people, and they accomplish it after many failures with the support of people around them, their confidence and ability grows. I enjoy coercing people to reach their potential xD As long as my friends go home aching badly, but feeling happy about it, it's all good.

One thing I really like about climbing is that there is ample opportunity to feel happy for others. Positive feels ==> positive energy. After watching my friend stroll to the top of 6 routes in BA just now (and thereby finally promoting to inter), I felt a small flame ignite again.

If my FYP were an MMORPG Quest

Not progressing well with my presentation slides, so I decided to distract myself. How does one present a year's work in 15 minutes? One starts by re-examining the journey. The contents page of my report was starting to look very much like a quest line from LOTRO (which I've gotten back to playing since my early end of exams ^^), so why not. Maybe a few people will be able to fully understand this, those few who were on the journey with me.

Presenting, Volume III, Book X: The FYP Epic (probably, I just made up the numericals).

1. [1] Foreword: A New Adventure
2. [1] Chapter 1: Discerning the Ancient Papers
3. [1] Chapter 2: The Scroll of Encompassing Knowledge
4. [2] Chapter 3: Journey to Hall 7
• [2] Chapter 3: Hidden Architectures
• [2] Chapter 3: Density of Destiny
• [2] Chapter 3: Forging Anew (optional)
5. [4] Chapter 4: Traversing the Spines
• [4] Chapter 4: Discover Materials Laboratory the First
• [4] Chapter 4: Lens of Inconvenience - Small Fellowship 
6. [5] Chapter 5: Microscopic Revelations
7. [8] Chapter 6: Tokens of Sacrifice
• [8] Chapter 6: Taking Stock
• [8] Chapter 6: Small and Numerous
• [8] Chapter 6: Recovering the Shine
• [8] Chapter 6: Purging Ancient Dirt
• [8] Chapter 6: Ceremonial Naming
8. [11] Chapter 7: Crush of Finality - Fellowship
9. [12] Chapter 8: The Scroll of Adventures
• [12] Chapter 8: Pain of the Past
• [12] Chapter 8: Pain of the Present
10. [15] Chapter 9: The Final Defence - Solo only
• Instance: The Final Defence - Solo only
11. [15] Epilogue: Revisiting The Scroll 

So I think I'm at level 14 now. Gotta level up before Monday.

To be a raconteuse

Came across this nugget while aimlessly swiping on my phone this morning:

 

Strange gender specification aside, I saw a goal of mine within the definition. I think (from the examples) this word applies to both speaking and writing and I definitely skew towards the latter. [Between my sis and I: she's glib, but writes like a lost grandmother; I tend to stutter, but at least I write clearly.] 

But the point is not the medium, it's all about the story.

I think it's pretty cool to actually bring a story to life and deliver it in a way that enraptures, and ultimately makes people believe in it. I've found that weaving a story does help when trying to convince people of new ideas or my own opinions. Anecdotes are even better (even if they're not completely referring to the same thing), coz "tried-and-tested-in-real-life".

Through the years, people have told me that I write "well". That's nice coz it's something I enjoy. But I guess that's coz its my favourite medium to tell stories that hopefully bring some smiles (sniggers are even better) to some people. That right there is what I truly enjoy doing.

If people think I'm good at it, well, that makes me the happy one :)

Thoughts of a Happy Zombie - SSS 2016

I don't keep a journal, but today was special enough to warrant a same-night post.

Sometime earlier this year (I can't remember exactly when), I got jio-ed by a certain bovine to take part in a case challenge. At that point I had no idea what the idea was, or even what competition we were taking part in. But since I was pretty free in that half of the sem, I simply said yes.

We began to conceptualize and my belief in the idea started to grow and grow and grow. The machine we dreamed up was eventually christened DriF4st, for its ability to spin-dry swimsuits effectively and efficiently. All you need, really, is ~4 seconds and a bit of quick legwork. We actually tried it out on a stand-in spinning (mop) machine and on that night, my conviction was sealed.

For all the help we've received, I'm extremely grateful. Team dynamics were on-point as well. FYI, the whole original team of people I first worked with in REP (expo writing, 2012) was in this team, as was my FYP buddy. So, not my usual table mates, but there was no difficulty bouncing ideas and suggestions off each other. No hard feelings or anything to hinder the drive for perfection.

I'm not sure if we presented the way we did because of REP-training, but the correlation seems to hold true. REP swept the top 2 positions :D We were so happy!! In no way did my team speak as gracefully as the NBS teams, but I guess impact has other ways of showing itself. We definitely, definitely had substance.

I celebrate small victories in life. Today, I had my very first taste of being a grand champion, and I must say, I would do it again and again, sleepless nights and all. It doesn't hurt that I'm now a bit richer as well. ;)

We did it girls!!! :D

Night-time Thoughts

2 months into 2016 now, and I've been thinking of the stuff I've been doing this whole time. Thoughts get misplaced so I put them down in words. They don't usually link in chronological order and so, the reasoning behind the numbering is known only to the dusty corners of my mind.

This is what I've been thinking of on this night.

1) This week I've had more stuff to be happy about, and the latest is to do with FYP. I know everyone's moaning and "FYP" sometimes comes out like a swear word, but things come in stages. Today, after months of work on my dear samples (blowing, grinding... scanning electron microscopy), I've finally crushed the last of them and obtained a beautiful set of data. I guess (aside from the report and maybe some minor side work), this is kind of the end point. My FYP has been physically exhausting and literally painful, and I'm extremely grateful for the help I've received. There's still repayment to be done on my part, but I'm all the more happy to do so because even experiences like FYP become nicer when shared.

2) Speaking of sharing experiences, it's awesome when people want to try climbing. It's even more awesome when they want to try it again even though it makes new fingers raw and painful. I might not be the best person to be promoting this sport, but I do my best for whoever wants to try. Sometimes I wish I could do more/better, but there's time and place for everything.

3) I haven't actually been climbing much though, mainly due to the ankle D:< (and other stuff that's been taking up my weekends). Good thing the injury is receding and I'm becoming able to try hard again, past the mental barrier as well as the too-long-never-train cui-ness.

4) Something else partly related -  the regular climbing group is different from before. It's definitely fun and comfortable but sometimes I stop to think: "didn't I use to do this/feel this way with other people?" And the thing is, it's not just climbing... The feelings of absence and change seem to have become a tad more prominent lately. Circumstance is the culprit as always; people are going out into the working world and others have taken on responsibilities/enthusiasms etc. The good thing is that not all of it is permanent and some things will probably go back to how they used to be (except work). But I've seen change in people lately, and I realise how circumstance can be damaging. [Lemonade made purely out of lemons is still sour. I should keep sugar in my pockets.] I happen to be a very adaptable person. I guess that's why I flow into new comfort zones without feeling much drag. Then once I'm "here", I realise things are different, and sometimes I feel a little sad.

5) A roomie makes a single room smaller. But I do like small spaces and it's nice to have someone to talk with at night. She's moving out soon :/

6) Ok too emo alr. Tbh only a fraction of change is undesirable la. Case in point: this one group of friends that I treasure in particular. I've known them since the guiding years. So for 10 years-ish we've never failed to talk about the same old funny things but in recent times, the conversations have totally shifted in favour of quarter-life crises i.e. work. This shift didn't go unnoticed and we took it further by predicting each decade's conversations up till the age of 80. But in all honesty, our meetings still keep their light and we tend to laugh till our throats our sore. Hahaha, I'm still trying to figure out how we did that over quarter-life crises. I hope with all my heart that this will never change.

7) My sis recently ranted to me about something. Although in my head I was like "ohplz you lousy thing" I remembered that I was probably the same during my teenage years xD So I tried my hand at diplomacy.

8) CNY was quiet this year. One grandma was hapz and the other had to take care of an aunt who caught dengue fever D: So there were literally no family visits on 初一 and 二. My gosh it was damn sian. But my parents seemed nonchalant about it, and they kept saying how it was nice and peaceful. I look forward to CNY every year. I was especially looking forward to this one, since I was away last year and had to make do with a Skype visit, so this was an extreme downer. I guess the fun starts to wear off when you start to have to give out hongbaos. Things got better though, and CNY is 15 days long anyway.

9) Grandma's (dad's side) 80th was a blast (at least for me, my sis, and certain uncles/cousins). It was the first time in years we had dinner in a room equipped with a K system. I was very young at the last time so I must stress the surprise I felt on realising how well my family members can sing. It was great fun! I knew and was singing along to many of the old/new/mandarin/english songs, so my poor dinner got sidelined. My uncle even pointed to my neglected glass of beer and said that mosquitoes were starting to breed in there HAHA. I'm a fun-loving person really, but only a small portion of people who know me actually get to see that. Most of them happen to be family :)

10) The weekend stuff was interesting as well. Notably, there's been archery tag where I learnt to aim fairly well after observing others. Managed to hit quite a few targets/people >:D That same night we went to cow's place where I tried CNY gambling for maybe the second time in my life. Balked after losing $1.50 and chickened out of the table. I think I'm not generally scared of losing, but if I lose I rather it be by lack of skill rather than by complete chance.

11) On the topic of money... I recently made two big ticket purchases. One was a 2 TB hard drive. Quite a timely purchase considering that the high speed videos from my FYP took up 160 GB of space! Little grainy 5 minute videos of things being crushed are somehow worth more space than HD movies. The other purchase was literally a ticket. A ticket to the JAY CHOU CONCERT <3 Every time he came to Singapore I would dream of going, but because (1) I never considered spending >$100 (2) I never considered asking friends to spend >$100 with me, I never went. Now, thanks to my roomie, I have 6 months to be excited for my first ever concert :D Of course... it's a good thing there's been recent hongbao income to tide over the sudden spike in spending.

12) Another thing there has been a surge of recently is the number of people asking me about my relationship status/goals. Like, what's going on?? Why the sudden interest in this (missing) aspect of my life, I wonder. "What do you like in a guy" is not an easy question to answer, and aside from some vague mumbling, I didn't have a proper answer by the 2nd or 3rd time I was asked. So I did a bit of thinking. Different girls have different needs or paradoxes or whatever one calls them. I think I kinda distilled mine down into a few definite words: I don't know how to like people. I guess it's because I'm not exactly a needy person, so I see guys as equals. [Like we know how to take care of ourselves better than some princesses.] BUT the thing is in a relationship, much more than want, I need someone who can take care of me. I need someone to support. So maybe I'm actually looking, but I'm looking for someone stronger. Maybe that's why I'm searching, but not much has been appearing on my radar. I don't have big dreams but I do think I would like to "settle down" someday. Unfortunately I don't think I can lower this expectation of mine, I'd rather stay single.

In other news, happy weekend!