Other pieces of writing need to be done, but the words just keep escaping me. Have had an assortment of other experiences meanwhile, so I thought I'd just jot them down so I can have a laugh next time. REAL is included as well coz it doesn't deserve its own post this time round.
1) Well its not like I learnt nothing in REAL 2016, but most of the lessons were prob not the ones intended. High quality feedback = observation + impact which saves me the trouble of thinking "how I'd have done it better" (but I might deviate). Here are some:
The delivery of lessons hinges on structure and content (and the person in front), but it does not do to be overly rigid. Isn't leadership and all that a sort of fluffy cloud in the first place? Everyone can feel it when someone tries to harness clouds.
It also does not do to deviate from instructions so rigidly expounded. Like err, you tell us not to give suggestions, but you give a great deal of it (doesn't help that those ended up being "on another planet").
I was so extremely bothered by the above situation coz it concerned my learning partner. In the end we take what lessons we can, even if its something we derived from our sharings with one another rather than what was actually taught. A recurring theme was not to over-restrict ourselves. You may think you know what you're driving towards, but don't be crushed if it turns out not to be. Maybe you were meant for something else, something just as great or even greater, but you don't see it just because it wasn't your original goal. Potential, just like leadership, is a cloud - walk through with confidence and you'll never have to settle for anything less.
Be present, be genuine. It is very easy to tell/sense when someone is actually somewhere else.
Who says we can't have fun while learning? One of the rare occasions where the classroom was basically a container of laughter was in the empathetic email exchange. We found that empathy begets empathy only in the ideal world, but non-empathy definitely begot non-empathy and a series of trolling responses.
Things could definitely have been better, but hey, everyone has new things to learn so... How fascinating!
2) Fourth REP batch is completely overseas now and I wasn't expecting to feel as much as I do about this.
3) Severe lack of rest makes the body sluggish and the mind slow and makes one do idiotic things:
Accidentally locked my sis out of the room one night, so she had to spend the night on the sofa. I clearly rmb feeling an "extra sensation" as I closed the door, but obviously didn't think much of it. Felt so bad next morning D: D: D:
Was having trouble controlling my half-boiled eggs (after waking at 0530). Crushed one and let the other slip through my fingers onto my lap. Shows the importance of fine control; it was just breakfast and I was already failing so badly.
When editing simple English starts to take an inordinate amount of effort, apply 10 hours of sleep with complete urgency.
4) Year 5 already = so many young people everywhere! And young people, what's with the open shock (literally like this, :O) when we introduce ourselves as year 5s hahaha is it like seeing dinosaurs walk again?
5) People are changing, and the people around me are changing. Time to be a friendly dinosaur and make some new friends.
6) Sean said to me: when one enjoys writing, the reader enjoys reading. Which is true! I can sometimes feel what other people feel when they write (if I don't feel anything it's prob a sign of apathy on one end). So what happens if I enjoy making people laugh/cry/think/become confused >:)?
7) Entered this sem at a run, with multiple things vying for attention and allocation of time. I wish I wasn't this busy, coz the busier one is, the faster time flies. And I really want my final few months in school to last as long as possible.
Finally, finally done with all 5 reflections needed to pass REAL and graduate from REP haha. Wrote about 3 journeys and 2 encounters, all extremely different. Pretty weird to have to cookie-cut my thoughts into the leadership framework though. Likely won't have the time to read any comments from the faculty before the second session starts, so I welcome any high support that anyone else wants to give me :)
2 months into 2016 now, and I've been thinking of the stuff I've been doing this whole time. Thoughts get misplaced so I put them down in words. They don't usually link in chronological order and so, the reasoning behind the numbering is known only to the dusty corners of my mind.
This is what I've been thinking of on this night.
1) This week I've had more stuff to be happy about, and the latest is to do with FYP. I know everyone's moaning and "FYP" sometimes comes out like a swear word, but things come in stages. Today, after months of work on my dear samples (blowing, grinding... scanning electron microscopy), I've finally crushed the last of them and obtained a beautiful set of data. I guess (aside from the report and maybe some minor side work), this is kind of the end point. My FYP has been physically exhausting and literally painful, and I'm extremely grateful for the help I've received. There's still repayment to be done on my part, but I'm all the more happy to do so because even experiences like FYP become nicer when shared.
2) Speaking of sharing experiences, it's awesome when people want to try climbing. It's even more awesome when they want to try it again even though it makes new fingers raw and painful. I might not be the best person to be promoting this sport, but I do my best for whoever wants to try. Sometimes I wish I could do more/better, but there's time and place for everything.
3) I haven't actually been climbing much though, mainly due to the ankle D:< (and other stuff that's been taking up my weekends). Good thing the injury is receding and I'm becoming able to try hard again, past the mental barrier as well as the too-long-never-train cui-ness.
4) Something else partly related - the regular climbing group is different from before. It's definitely fun and comfortable but sometimes I stop to think: "didn't I use to do this/feel this way with other people?" And the thing is, it's not just climbing... The feelings of absence and change seem to have become a tad more prominent lately. Circumstance is the culprit as always; people are going out into the working world and others have taken on responsibilities/enthusiasms etc. The good thing is that not all of it is permanent and some things will probably go back to how they used to be (except work). But I've seen change in people lately, and I realise how circumstance can be damaging. [Lemonade made purely out of lemons is still sour. I should keep sugar in my pockets.] I happen to be a very adaptable person. I guess that's why I flow into new comfort zones without feeling much drag. Then once I'm "here", I realise things are different, and sometimes I feel a little sad.
5) A roomie makes a single room smaller. But I do like small spaces and it's nice to have someone to talk with at night. She's moving out soon :/
6) Ok too emo alr. Tbh only a fraction of change is undesirable la. Case in point: this one group of friends that I treasure in particular. I've known them since the guiding years. So for 10 years-ish we've never failed to talk about the same old funny things but in recent times, the conversations have totally shifted in favour of quarter-life crises i.e. work. This shift didn't go unnoticed and we took it further by predicting each decade's conversations up till the age of 80. But in all honesty, our meetings still keep their light and we tend to
laugh till our throats our sore. Hahaha, I'm still trying to figure out how we
did that over quarter-life crises. I hope with all my heart that this will never change.
7) My sis recently ranted to me about something. Although in my head I was like "ohplz you lousy thing" I remembered that I was probably the same during my teenage years xD So I tried my hand at diplomacy.
8) CNY was quiet this year. One grandma was hapz and the other had to take care of an aunt who caught dengue fever D: So there were literally no family visits on 初一 and 二. My gosh it was damn sian. But my parents seemed nonchalant about it, and they kept saying how it was nice and peaceful. I look forward to CNY every year. I was especially looking forward to this one, since I was away last year and had to make do with a Skype visit, so this was an extreme downer. I guess the fun starts to wear off when you start to have to give out hongbaos. Things got better though, and CNY is 15 days long anyway.
9) Grandma's (dad's side) 80th was a blast (at least for me, my sis, and certain uncles/cousins). It was the first time in years we had dinner in a room equipped with a K system. I was very young at the last time so I must stress the surprise I felt on realising how well my family members can sing. It was great fun! I knew and was singing along to many of the old/new/mandarin/english songs, so my poor dinner got sidelined. My uncle even pointed to my neglected glass of beer and said that mosquitoes were starting to breed in there HAHA. I'm a fun-loving person really, but only a small portion of people who know me actually get to see that. Most of them happen to be family :)
10) The weekend stuff was interesting as well. Notably, there's been archery tag where I learnt to aim fairly well after observing others. Managed to hit quite a few targets/people >:D That same night we went to cow's place where I tried CNY gambling for maybe the second time in my life. Balked after losing $1.50 and chickened out of the table. I think I'm not generally scared of losing, but if I lose I rather it be by lack of skill rather than by complete chance.
11) On the topic of money... I recently made two big ticket purchases. One was a 2 TB hard drive. Quite a timely purchase considering that the high speed videos from my FYP took up 160 GB of space! Little grainy 5 minute videos of things being crushed are somehow worth more space than HD movies. The other purchase was literally a ticket. A ticket to the JAY CHOU CONCERT <3 Every time he came to Singapore I would dream of going, but because (1) I never considered spending >$100 (2) I never considered asking friends to spend >$100 with me, I never went. Now, thanks to my roomie, I have 6 months to be excited for my first ever concert :D Of course... it's a good thing there's been recent hongbao income to tide over the sudden spike in spending.
12) Another thing there has been a surge of recently is the number of people asking me about my relationship status/goals. Like, what's going on?? Why the sudden interest in this (missing) aspect of my life, I wonder. "What do you like in a guy" is not an easy question to answer, and aside from some vague mumbling, I didn't have a proper answer by the 2nd or 3rd time I was asked. So I did a bit of thinking. Different girls have different needs or paradoxes or whatever one calls them. I think I kinda distilled mine down into a few definite words: I don't know how to like people. I guess it's because I'm not exactly a needy person, so I see guys as equals. [Like we know how to take care of ourselves better than some princesses.] BUT the thing is in a relationship, much more than want, I need someone who can take care of me. I need someone to support. So maybe I'm actually looking, but I'm looking for someone stronger. Maybe that's why I'm searching, but not much has been appearing on my radar. I don't have big dreams but I do think I would like to "settle down" someday. Unfortunately I don't think I can lower this expectation of mine, I'd rather stay single.
